Tea. Millions of people drink it, and we claim to love it – but do we? Maybe nobody actually likes tea, because I’ve never ever seen anyone drink pure tea. They always add sugar or milk. That’s not liking tea, is it? Can I claim to like Oldfield’s Tublar Bells if I can only listen to it with a synthpunk backing track? Can I claim to fancy my girfriend if I have to put a Katy Perry wig on her before we can have sex?

Tea. Booh. Loved by millions. You sham!